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  • William Shakespeare: Twelfth Night, Act IV, Scene II

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Scene IIOlivia’s houseEnter Maria and ClownMariaNay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard; make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate: do it quickly; I’ll call Sir Toby the whilst.ExitClownWell, I’ll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in’t; and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to be thought a good student; but to be said an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter.Enter Sir Toby Belch and MariaSir Toby BelchJove bless thee, master Parson.ClownBonos dies, Sir Toby: for, as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King Gorboduc, ‘That that is is;’ so I, being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for, what is ’that’ but ’that,’ and ‘is’ but ‘is’?Sir Toby BelchTo him, Sir Topas.ClownWhat, ho, I say! peace in this prison!Sir Toby BelchThe knave counterfeits well; a good knave.MalvolioWithinWho calls there?ClownSir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic.MalvolioSir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.ClownOut, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man! talkest thou nothing but of ladies?Sir Toby BelchWell said, Master Parson.MalvolioSir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad: they have laid me here in hideous darkness.ClownFie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself with courtesy: sayest thou that house is dark?MalvolioAs hell, Sir Topas.ClownWhy it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, and the clearstores toward the south north are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction?MalvolioI am not mad, Sir Topas: I say to you, this house is dark.ClownMadman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.MalvolioI say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you are: make the trial of it in any constant question.ClownWhat is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?MalvolioThat the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.ClownWhat thinkest thou of his opinion?MalvolioI think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.ClownFare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness: thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.MalvolioSir Topas, Sir Topas!Sir Toby BelchMy most exquisite Sir Topas!ClownNay, I am for all waters.MariaThou mightst have done this without thy beard and gown: he sees thee not.Sir Toby BelchTo him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were, for I am now so far in offence with my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.Exeunt Sir Toby Belch and MariaClownSinging’Hey, Robin, jolly Robin, Tell me how thy lady does.‘MalvolioFool!Clown’My lady is unkind, perdy.‘MalvolioFool!Clown’Alas, why is she so?‘MalvolioFool, I say!Clown’She loves another’—Who calls, ha?MalvolioGood fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink and paper: as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for’t.ClownMaster Malvolio?MalvolioAy, good fool.ClownAlas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?MalvolioFool, there was never a man so notoriously abused: I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.ClownBut as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool.MalvolioThey have here propertied me; keep me in darkness, send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of my wits.ClownAdvise you what you say; the minister is here. Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble.MalvolioSir Topas!ClownMaintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, I, sir? not I, sir. God be wi’ you, good Sir Topas. Merry, amen. I will, sir, I will.MalvolioFool, fool, fool, I say!ClownAlas, sir, be patient. What say you sir? I am shent for speaking to you.MalvolioGood fool, help me to some light and some paper: I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.ClownWell-a-day that you were, sirMalvolioBy this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper and light; and convey what I will set down to my lady: it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did.ClownI will help you to’t. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?MalvolioBelieve me, I am not; I tell thee true.ClownNay, I’ll ne’er believe a madman till I see his brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.MalvolioFool, I’ll requite it in the highest degree: I prithee, be gone.ClownSingingI am gone, sir, And anon, sir, I’ll be with you again, In a trice, Like to the old Vice, Your need to sustain; Who, with dagger of lath, In his rage and his wrath, Cries, ah, ha! to the devil: Like a mad lad, Pare thy nails, dad; Adieu, good man devil.Exit

William Shakespeare: Twelfth Night, Act IV

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William Shakespeare: Twelfth Night, Act II, Scene III

  • William Shakespeare: Twelfth Night, Act II, Scene III

TrendingHere are the facts and trivia that people are buzzing about.

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The Celtic Twilight: A Teller of Tales

TrendingHere are the facts and trivia that people are buzzing about.

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Andersen’s Fairy Tales: Contents

The Celtic Twilight: A Teller of Tales

  • Did Birds Evolve from Dinosaurs?
  • The Twelve Dancing Princesses
  • Current Events This Week: January 2023
  • African Americans by the Numbers
  • Andersen’s Fairy Tales: Contents
  • The Celtic Twilight: A Teller of Tales