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  • William Shakespeare: Merry Wives of Windsor, Act IV, Scene V

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Scene VA room in the Garter InnEnter Host and SimpleHostWhat wouldst thou have, boor? what: thick-skin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.SimpleMarry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff from Master Slender.HostThere’s his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed and truckle-bed; ’tis painted about with the story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go knock and call; hell speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee: knock, I say.SimpleThere’s an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber: I’ll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come down; I come to speak with her, indeed.HostHa! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I’ll call. Bully knight! bully Sir John! speak from thy lungs military: art thou there? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls.FalstaffAboveHow now, mine host!HostHere’s a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let her descend; my chambers are honourable: fie! privacy? fie!Enter FalstaffFalstaffThere was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with me; but she’s gone.SimplePray you, sir, was’t not the wise woman of Brentford?FalstaffAy, marry, was it, mussel-shell: what would you with her?SimpleMy master, sir, Master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain or no.FalstaffI spake with the old woman about it.SimpleAnd what says she, I pray, sir?FalstaffMarry, she says that the very same man that beguiled Master Slender of his chain cozened him of it.SimpleI would I could have spoken with the woman herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too from him.FalstaffWhat are they? let us know.HostAy, come; quick.SimpleI may not conceal them, sir.HostConceal them, or thou diest.SimpleWhy, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress Anne Page; to know if it were my master’s fortune to have her or no.Falstaff’Tis, ’tis his fortune.SimpleWhat, sir?FalstaffTo have her, or no. Go; say the woman told me so.SimpleMay I be bold to say so, sir?FalstaffAy, sir; like who more bold.SimpleI thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings.ExitHostThou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was there a wise woman with thee?FalstaffAy, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life; and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning.Enter BardolphBardolphOut, alas, sir! cozenage, mere cozenage!HostWhere be my horses? speak well of them, varletto.BardolphRun away with the cozeners; for so soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind one of them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs and away, like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.HostThey are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not say they be fled; Germans are honest men.Enter Sir Hugh EvansSir Hugh EvansWhere is mine host?HostWhat is the matter, sir?Sir Hugh EvansHave a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to town tells me there is three cozen-germans that has cozened all the hosts of Readins, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for good will, look you: you are wise and full of gibes and vlouting-stocks, and ’tis not convenient you should be cozened. Fare you well. [Exit] Enter Doctor CaiusDoctor CaiusVere is mine host de Jarteer?HostHere, master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.Doctor CaiusI cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany: by my trot, dere is no duke dat the court is know to come. I tell you for good vill: adieu.ExitHostHue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight. I am undone! Fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone!Exeunt Host and BardolphFalstaffI would all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat drop by drop and liquor fishermen’s boots with me; I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits till I were as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent.Enter Mistress QuicklyNow, whence come you?Mistress QuicklyFrom the two parties, forsooth.FalstaffThe devil take one party and his dam the other! and so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy of man’s disposition is able to bear.Mistress QuicklyAnd have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; Mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her.FalstaffWhat tellest thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford: but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable had set me i’ the stocks, i’ the common stocks, for a witch.Mistress QuicklySir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed.FalstaffCome up into my chamber.Exeunt

William Shakespeare: Merry Wives of Windsor, Act IV

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William Shakespeare: Merry Wives of Windsor, Act I, Scene IV

  • William Shakespeare: Merry Wives of Windsor, Act I, Scene IV

TrendingHere are the facts and trivia that people are buzzing about.

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TrendingHere are the facts and trivia that people are buzzing about.

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Andersen’s Fairy Tales: Contents

The Celtic Twilight: A Teller of Tales

  • Did Birds Evolve from Dinosaurs?
  • The Twelve Dancing Princesses
  • Current Events This Week: January 2023
  • African Americans by the Numbers
  • Andersen’s Fairy Tales: Contents
  • The Celtic Twilight: A Teller of Tales